Abraham says that divorce would never happen if the person was in the vortex! So, why does anyone ever really get divorced? Let’s explore the real reasons! I’m going to discuss how to get happy within your marriage so that you can avoid a divorce to begin with, or get happy and get out of your marriage, so that you can really enjoy your life.
Years ago, I created the Real-Divorce.com site about uncontested divorce to show others how to get divorced peacefully, or amicably, if that is at all possible, so, I am not holding back when I say that the reason anyone ever gets divorced is simply a combination of:
- the person isn’t happy and also thinks it’s up to his/her partner to create the happiness he/she wants,
- the person doesn’t accept him/herself,
- the person finds fault with or blames the partner or others for his/her problems.
Comment below if you agree or disagree with this, but I believe that when a person isn’t happy, and thinks the partner has to do things for him/her, (which most people do if you pay attention), it is an extremely manipulative way of thinking and living. In fact, it is detrimental to relationships! Examples of this include:
- I don’t like it when my husband snores, so “he” is the reason why I can’t sleep.
- I hate it when it’s noisy in my house, so the kids must be quiet for me to be happy.
- I don’t like a messy house, so anyone who uses something must put it back/clean it up, etc…for me to be in a good mood.
- I don’t like it when my wife gets home late, because I want her to take care of me when she gets home.
- I hate it when my partner talks down to me, so he/she’d better change and give me respect.
- My partner doesn’t appreciate me and should change.
- My partner doesn’t make enough money for me to have the material things I want, so he/she should make more.
This Abraham-Hicks video on unconditional versus conditional love, which is really what I’m talking about, shows a lot of good points, especially how a person can improve the way that he thinks within a marriage, or else run the risk of bringing the same problems into the future. When we complain about and blame someone else for our problems, we are not only limiting ourselves, but also the relationship, and our own future happiness. Complaining about ANY problem means you are willingly giving away your power (to whatever the circumstance or condition is that you are complaining about).
Staying stuck in this pattern or vibration brings less love and freedom. In truth, the best relationships are unconditional in that they allow both parties to be free to make their own choices. Can you imagine? You, as a woman, are free to have a friend of the opposite gender and be trusted completely? You as a male, are free to be out late? Imagine either person free to define who they are, their roles in the family, their amount of participation. Either person could be free to be themselves without worry, if only they were truly accepted for who they are. Both people must have strong beliefs in their own personal power, in order to allow others to have theirs, otherwise there is a pull and push of controlling or manipulative behaviors. Virtues can only come when there is no pressure or demands on the person. Any pressure (like, “Why don’t you make more money?”) distorts the relationship so that the person being controlled will resist.
It really only takes one person in a marriage or relationship to change his/her own perspective, in order to bring about positive changes. When two people are no longer finding good qualities in each other–or themselves for that matter–it’s difficult to keep a marriage going. The biggest change you can make in this situation is to find great qualities about yourself! It will naturally follow that you will find better qualities in your partner as well.
Simultaneously, it is equally important to eliminate the fear, doubt, and worries about the relationship. Having fears keeps a person captive, always worrying about what is to come; a fearful person is no fun to be around, and doesn’t generally enjoy being in the moment and expressing positivity. Some people think that they really do have legitimate fears (worried their spouse is cheating, physical or emotional harm, not enough money). But, I know from my study of Abraham Hicks that “what you fear, you create.” How many times has that happened to you? It’s a cycle that can spiral you down into terrible life situations, or you can practice feeling better moment-by-moment until you have control of your self and your own thoughts. Meaning, all threats are in the mind. And, you can believe that someone has “hurt” you, but when you allow yourself to continue to be in this thought pattern (believing people will hurt you), you are continually offering THAT vibration in the present.
It’s only the present moment that matters. So, It is totally possible to change your present, and that will affect your future. Feeling ease, finding relief, finding better people and situations, even if only moment to moment, is the only way OUT of a relationship with turmoil.
Now, not everyone has some terrible chaos in their lives, but they may be experiencing a divorce anyhow. No matter what the conditions, focus on the self only, as much as possible.
And, as you begin to believe in yourself more, you will realize that everything is really all in your mind and within your control. Don’t get me wrong, some people lack focus and clarity, and therefore will manifest a divorce easier than others. However, those that can muster up some focus can actually change the way they think: finding their blessings, loving themselves and their partner, even when it’s hard, and just realizing that whatever the outcome, they can be happy.
When one partner says, “I appreciate you and the way you parent,” for instance, I bet this person has a better chance to be heard, therefore increasing the likelihood that his/her desires will be met. When one is extremely demanding and the other is fearful, it’s likely the fearful one will lose. It’s the precise opportunity to allow what love you can find to help you pre-pave your future. It would be considered normal to have a mixed vibration, and lots of conflicting thoughts during a separation. Yet, it is completely possible, and in every way better, to begin to view as many situations and people with appreciation as you can. It is a major key to manifesting good things for yourself, NOT because that is the goal, but because being in a state of appreciation FEELS good while it is happening, therefore, changing your vibration to a higher and more powerful vibration.
Being happy during divorce is probably one of the hardest things anyone could ever do in a lifetime, yet, I believe it’s best to disengage from the situation as much as possible, and get back to the basics that really do bring you happiness. Those are the things you always feel good about: taking a walk, hiking in the mountains, going skiing, kayaking, having coffee with a good friend, hugging your BFF, remembering happy memories of your children, laughing at anything funny, excelling at your work, dancing, playing, making a difference to someone, giving a gift, anonymously helping someone, etc…But, do go and make your list of things you love, as I continually add to mine all the time, and realize that there are so many things to love doing, there is enough time to do them, and I can have fun while I do any one thing.
On being in the moment, even if you are in a bad mood and brooding over the details of your divorce, you can take some time and watch a movie. Just be present, where ever you are at, and allow the good of the situation to flow to you. For instance, you are deserving of time to relax. You are a fully aware being that is receiving support from all around you. You are receiving sunshine for warmth and vitamin D, you are receiving air to breathe and keep you alive, you are receiving love flowing from many people in your life, you have an abundance around you if you take the time to notice those things, like how good it feels to wake up and have a nice bed to sleep in, cool sheets, clean water to drink and keep your cells working optimally, you have education, you have resources like streetlights, and libraries, and firemen. Enjoy each moment you can and keep the gratitude alive within you. It will by far be one of the biggest resources you can easily tap into as you progress through this major life process. As I mentioned, as you change your mental game to one of noticing good things about yourself and then others, you will begin to see changes in your life for the better!
I believe in you, in your desires, and that you can achieve them. Start today to get some good momentum flowing to you!
Much love and many blessings!